Measure Twice, Cut Once
by HappenedCougar1
Summary: After completing a mission on Luna, Heather Shepard is inspired to return to Earth to visit old friends. However, things take a turn for the worst when she reconsiders returning to the Normandy. Can Kaidan bring her back? Rated M for later chapters. *on hiatus*
1. Chapter 1

"_The Local Cluster? Why out there?"_

"_Not really sure. The scanner's showing it as an anomaly. Based on the coordinates, it's somewhere on Luna."_

"_Luna... Alright. I'll head that way and check it out."_

"_Thank you, Shepard. Send me the report when you figure something out."_

"_Will do."_

"_Over and out."_

White noise filled her ears. The Normandy's low and deep humming from the engines down below seemed to be the only consistency in her life, and the only company she really had that she knew would never betray her or leave her... or die on her.

Despite being on a ship with some of the best crew members space had to offer, somehow she still felt like she was fighting all by herself.

Hidden in her bed, buried by heat blankets and comforters, she tried to catch at least a few winks before going on the most recent mission. The transmission echoed in her ear, and burned itself in her brain. She knew it had to be done, but despised going anywhere_ near _the Local Cluster.

Now she had to actually _go_ there.

Just as she could feel herself slipping away into dreamland... **KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK!**

A low growl emanated from her throat as she rolled onto her back, throwing a small mountain of blankets off of her face and chest. She sat up, propped herself against the headboard, and covered her lap with some of the comforters. She was wearing her gunmetal N7 spandex shirt and black running shorts; Exercise gear that she never removed after her morning workout a couple hours ago.

Sarcastically, she hollered, "Who goes there?"

"It's me. May I come in, or is this a bad time?" A male's voice called out.

"Sure," she remained neutral. The door slid open, and Kaidan entered her room. He was wearing his crewman's outfit. Black and white was _definitely_ his color.

He glimpsed over at her and immediately turned his head the other way, "I'm sorry, Commander! I'll step out for a minute and let you ch-"

"Don't worry about it, really!" she coughed a few times and ushered him to come closer. "What was it that you wanted?"

Kaidan took a few steps closer, but still seemed apprehensive. His eyes were shifting back and forth, trying not to focus on anything in particular in her direction. He eventually settled his gaze on her alarm clock, which was on the nightstand on the other side of her bed.

"You can use your Biotics to lift things in the air as I shoot them to death," she smirked. "But you can't look me in the eye when I'm lying in bed... With my clothes _still_ on?"

Kaidan slowly moved his gaze to hers, and shifted his weight to his left leg, "I'm sorry, Commander. I ju-"

"You don't have to call me Commander. We're off duty until we reach Luna," she turned her head and glanced at her alarm clock and then turned back to him. "That won't be for another three hours or so because Joker's catching some sleep before we head out."

"Right. By the looks of it, you were doing the same. I'm sorry I interrupted."

"You didn't interrupt anything. I never was asleep."

"I guess that makes me feel a little better," he tried to slip in some sarcasm, but never really knew if she caught on to it; She was much more fluent in it than he believed he ever could be, so he always felt kinda awkward when he tried his hand at it. "Anyway, I just came up to ask if would be interested in accompanying me to the mess. I always feel kinda awkward when I eat by myself."

She smirked again, "Let me find something to wear, and I'll meet you outside in a few minutes."

Kaidan let out a single "Heh!" and began taking a few steps back toward the door, "I'll be right outside when you're ready... Heather." And with that, he slipped outside into the hallway.

"_Perfect," _she thought out loud.

Heather quickly jumped in the shower to wash her hair and to rinse herself off from her workout that morning. She could feel her raven black hair flowing against her back as she washed herself. Part of her felt like it was time to cut it all off, but another part of her wanted to keep it.

Amongst all of these men, she needed all of the femininity she could get.

She rapidly got herself into her crewman's outfit, threw some eye makeup on and some lip gloss, and then double-checked herself in the mirror. Her porcelain skin was completely clear and covered- sans the small scar that ran under her right eye, her wide, dark green eyes peering back at her as she put the final touches on her eyeliner and added another coat of mascara. She tossed her thick hair into a low bun, and inspected her eyebrows. They were thick, but not to the point where they looked like caterpillars. Only minimal maintenance was required. Thank goodness today wasn't one of those days.

She smiled, blew a kiss at her reflection, and headed out the door.

Kaidan was leaning against the wall across from the door, looking at his watch and then back to her, "Fifteen minutes. I think that's a new record for you, Heather." He got the sarcasm right this time.

"Damn right it is," she played along. "Let's get some food, I'm starving!" She laughed, then suddenly smacked his left arm. Playfully, she yelled, "Last one there buys lunch!" and she raced off.

"Hey! I bought drinks last time! That's not fair!" he hollered, and then chased after her.

If someone saw the Spectre running around like some kind of child- especially with a Lieutenant- who knows what kind of rumors would have blown up. Fraternization accusations definitely would have been on top of that list, as well as possibly being revoked as a Spectre altogether.

For the moment, she didn't care. Lunch was on the line.

Lunch _with Kaidan_ was on the line.


	2. Chapter 2

_Sorry it took so long to make any kind of update. I went on a Mass Effect-a-palooza and beat the game (and started ME2) without even thinking twice about updating my story. So, with that being said, Heather Shepard's stats will not really change from how I mentioned them earlier in my Disclaimer. She is still fully Paragon (with a tiny hint of Renegade), a Master Marksman with the Pistol, and she has maxed-out her Charm bar. Since my Disclaimer, she has had more training with Assault Rifles... So, she'll be wielding one through some of the story._

_Another thing I wanted to point out is her personality. Heather is actually based on me in real life (my name is also Heather, and I gave her my physical features). So, a lot of her actions and decisions will be as realistic as possible, and based on what I would do in particular situations. She is not true-to-form the Commander Shepard depicted in the game. Some may not like or appreciate this approach since she seems too casual and carefree, but to that I say "If you don't like it my way, you write it yourself your own way."_

__Thank you to those who added me to their favorites and submitted reviews! This is all for you.__

* * *

><p>Somehow they both managed to make it to the mess without anyone seeing their child-like behavior. Heather tagged the table first, slapping it hard with her right hand and yelling, "BOOM!"<p>

Kaidan came in a close second, but didn't slap the table. He just came to a stop and let out a "heh" while folding his arms. They made eye contact, and he smiled, "You're so modest."

"I gotta teach you all who's in charge somehow," she flirted, turning around so she could take a seat. She patted the seat next to hers, signaling him to sit with her.

He pulled out the chair and sat down. He looked behind him as if to see if anyone was around, and then looked ahead and then back to Shepard.

"Are you looking for someone?" She whispered, smiling.

"In a way. I just wanted to see if the coast was clear," he made eye contact, but his eyes quickly darted down toward the table. He folded his hands together, and set them on the tabletop. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly, like a disappointed sigh. His gaze returned to hers.

Shepard's eyebrows were furrowed. She shifted her body so it was facing him, and kept her hands in her lap. Her eyes darted back and forth between his.

"Kaidan, what's wrong?" Her voice was soft, and very motherly.

There was something clearly wrong, and she knew that whatever it was... it was eating him up.

"I've been thinking a lot about our first mission together, to Eden Prime."

"I can see why. Losing Jenkins wasn't easy on any of us."

"That _was_ hard, and I'm sorry we lost him. That isn't what's been on my mind lately though." He still faced her, but his eyes looked slightly past her, "I keep thinking about the beacon." His eyes came back to hers, "I keep thinking about how you-"

"_Commander, can you hear me?"_ Joker's voice boomed on the loudspeaker, _"A transmission came __through that I think you need to listen to ASAP."_

"You should go. We can talk about this later." Kaidan stood up first, then reached out and helped Shepard out of her chair. "Don't worry, It's not important."

"We'll talk about it later, alright?" She formed a tiny smile.

"I'd like that," Kaidan whispered as he returned a gentle smile.

Shepard jogged up to the Combat Information Center and paged Joker, "Alright, go ahead and play the transmission."

"_Gotchya. Patching it through."_

"_Commander, we have new reports that the anomaly on Luna is actually a trap set by the Geth. They have jammed any kind of tracking signal we dish out, so we are unsure of their exact location. We do, however, know the general vicinity. A human military training vessel has already crash landed in the area, and we suspect the many more will follow if we do not act fast. We need you to take out the Geth in the area and destroy everything that could pose as a threat. The priority is wiping out the Geth, not rescuing survivors. We don't know how dangerous the situation could be, so make sure all of your focus is on destroying the Geth. Report back with any information you uncover when you return. Admiral Hackett out."_

"_Sounds pretty straight-forward, Commander. Should I go ahead and take us out to Luna?"_

Shepard let out a quiet sigh before answering, "Take us to Luna, Joker."

"_Aye aye, ma'am!"_


	3. Chapter 3

"_Commander Shepard is a... _unique _creature, to say the least. Part of a species so young, and yet she carries the wisdom of an avid Asari. Tactful, too. Somehow, she knows exactly where I'm going and when I will be there. If I'm ahead, it isn't by much. She's always on my trail. _Always_."_

"_I can sense you are coming up with a plan."_

"_Matriarch, you know me all too well. However, this plan is a lot more extreme than my usual approach. It definitely requires some planning, and some history."_

"_What do you mean by _history_, Saren?"_

"_She will never stop following me. No matter what diversion I leave her, which Geth confronts her, or how fast Sovereign can fly... She will never stop hunting me. If I can't make her stop, then I need to make her stop herself."_

"Stop herself?_ You know just as well as I do that she will never stop- not until you are dead."_

"_Yes, I am aware of that. However, even the most stubborn minds can be convinced. Not too long ago, there was an incident in the Citadel. Someone created a scanner that could be used to create VI personalities of anything- inanimate, or human. It was proven successful when a human soldier used it to disguise himself as a Turian guard at C-Sec to access secured files and sell them on the black market. To this day, he was never caught... At least not by C-Sec."_

"_You don't mean to tell me-"_

"_How could I pass up on technology like that? So, I found him, and took the scanner. Some force was used, but we ultimately made a deal."_

"_What kind of deal?"_

"_He begged me to spare his life, so I made a bargain. He went back to C-Sec in his disguise, and retrieved more paperwork for me. Not just any paperwork, mind you... Shepard's background. Everything she accomplished with The Alliance, it's all here. Her mission to Akouze, her report on Eden Prime, and even some of her more _questionable_ achievements. Tell me, Benezia... Were you aware that our 'white knight' Commander used to be part of a gang back on Earth?"_

"_I did not know that, but how is that going to help you?"_

"_Easy. Her report mentions a particular crime she committed with a fellow gang member by the name of Tristan Winterhardt. He and she had warrants out for their arrest for pulling a gun on a C-Sec officer who they reported was sexually harassing one of their gang-mates. The officer said he was frisking her to search for weapons. Eventually, the charges were dropped due to the whole thing being just one big "he said, she said" incident."_

"_And this is going to help you _how?_"_

"_She joined the gang at a young age in an attempt to get herself off the streets. Both of her parents are dead, though her report never mentions how they passed. She then joined The Alliance at eighteen to leave her gang life behind. I did a little more digging, and discovered that she and Tristan were best friends. Both of them were practically leaders of that gang, though Shepard never actively participated in any crimes. Shepard was usually on the sidelines watching, on look-out, or facilitated in their getaways. Tristan joined the gang because his older brother... _influenced_ him. His brother was killed by a member of a rival gang a year later."_

"_I still don't see how this is going to-"_

"_Matriarch, let me finish."_

"_I'm sorry, sir. Continue."_

"_Shepard wasn't the only one that joined The Alliance. Tristan joined about a year after she did- right after his brother died. Tristan is still alive, and I know exactly where he is. He's on a small vessel orbiting the Local Cluster, training soldiers how to be field medics. He's a doctor now. Doctor Winterhardt. Their base is on Luna, and they're expected to land within the next five hours."_

"_Is that where we are heading, sir?"_

"_Yes. I need to meet this Tristan fellow and ask a few questions of my own."_


	4. Chapter 4

Heather came back to the mess, and found Kaidan still sitting at the table alone. He heard her footsteps, and whirled around as soon as she returned and stood up, facing her.

"A new mission, ma'am?" he was formal, and stern.

"We're going to Luna to investigate a false distress signal sent out by the Geth. They're predicting that it's going be intense, so we'll need to keep our guard up at all times. We don't know the exact location of the signal, so we are just going to be dropped in the general vicinity and go from there."

"Sounds familiar," he smirked.

"I know, I know. Also, the main focus is destroying the Geth, not helping survivors. It makes me wonder how many Geth we're going to be up against."

She walked to the other side of the table and took back her seat. Kaidan followed, and leaned forward.

"It sounds like it could be dangerous. I agree, we definitely need to be focused for this one. However, I am a little surprised that the main focus is _not_ helping survivors. It sounds kinda fishy."

Her gaze darted to the side for a couple seconds, and then came back to meet Kaidan's. She quietly uttered, "It does."

"The only way we'll know is to find out when we get there." Kaidan got up and went toward a wall unit on the other side of the room. Just as he popped the latch, he turned to Heather and smiled, "In the meantime, would you like some coffee?"

She smiled, and let out a light sigh through her nose, "I'd love some. Thank you."

The wall mount was revealed to be a small cupboard that contained a mediocre coffee machine, generic creamer, sugar cubes, brown paper napkins, and some plastic coffee straws. It had definitely seen better days, but it was the only coffee maker on the whole ship.

Kaidan returned to the table and took back his seat, "We got lucky. These are the last two cups." He handed her a small traveling cup, a few packs of creamer, two sugar cubes, a mixing straw, and a lid. Grinning, he said, "The nicest coffee The Alliance can buy."

Heather mixed everything together, and pushed the lid onto her cup. Kaidan added a little more creamer to his blend, and followed suit.

"A toast, to the little things in life," Kaidan raised his cup at about eye-height. Heather raised her cup, and gently clinked it against his.

"Cheers. Hopefully the next one will be separate bathrooms."

Kaidan tried to contain his laugh. Coffee just about squirted out of his nose, but he managed to hold it all in long enough to gulp it all down. He grabbed his napkin and wiped his mouth, "I wish you had waited another two seconds to say that. I almost made a complete fool of myself!"

She hummed _Mmmmm hmmmm..._ as she drank and then set her cup down, grinning.

"That's what I was going for!" She winked. "Be glad that it would have been me, and not Anderson."

"Good point, but _still_... It doesn't really make it any better."

A tiny smile lined her face, but then she looked concerned. Her eyebrows furrowed, and her voice became quiet, "What was it you were saying before I left?"

Kaidan's eyes became wide, like a deer in the headlights. He set down his coffee and stared at it for a couple seconds. He was thinking, hard. Eventually, he muttered, "Actually, I don't think this is the right time to discuss it. We need to focus on the mission." His eyes locked with hers, "Another time, perhaps."

"If you say so. Just know that you'll always have an ear that will listen if something is bothering you."

"Thank you. I appreciate that more than you could ever know."

"You're the only friend I've got, Kaidan. If you need anything, I'll be here for you," she smiled, and took another sip of her coffee before standing up. "Now that I'm loaded with all of this caffeine, I think it's time to hop in a sleeping chamber."

Kaidan laughed and stood up as well, "Maybe coffee wasn't the best idea."

"I think we'll live," she grabbed her cup and threw it away in the trash bin next to the coffee machine. Kaidan mirrored her action.

"I'll see you on Luna," he smiled as he walked toward the elevator.

"The sleeping chambers are on this floor, Kaidan."

"I know, but I just need to get something from my room first. Good night," he hopped on the elevator, and then disappeared behind its doors.

"Good night," she whispered to herself, and then turned toward the chambers. She climbed in one, and activated it. She barely had time to think about what Kaidan had said earlier, about Eden Prime, before she was knocked out.

"_I keep thinking about how you-" _

The elevator ceased, and opened its doors. Kaidan walked out, and went straight for his room down the hall. Halfway there, a voice stopped him in his tracks.

"Kaidan, what do you think you're doing?"

He whirled around, and found himself face to face with Garrus. He wasn't scared of him, but he originally thought he was alone on the floor.

"Are you following me, Garrus?"

"No, not at all. Why would you think that?" He folded his arms, and put all of his weight on his left leg and leaned against the wall. Garrus' body almost completely blocked the tight hallway when he leaned like that.

"I just so happened to be here, and thought I would ask. I didn't mean to sound pissed off. It's your ship, anyway. I have no right to question your actions... to an extent."

"What do you mean by that?" Kaidan folded his arms as well.

The Turian let out a heavy sigh, and shook his head, "I see the way you look at her, Kaidan. I know you have feelings for Shepard."

His eyes grew wide again, and his eyebrows furrowed in frustration, "That's completely false, Garrus. We're just friends- nothing more."

Garrus squinted, and gave Kaidan an intense stare for a few moments before easing up. His voice became stern, "Fraternization only causes harm. No good comes from it, trust me." He stood back up, and unfolded his arms. "Not only could it get her Spectre status revoked, you two could get dishonorably discharged from The Alliance... It could cause you to become distracted in battle."

"What are you saying?" Kaidan's gaze could have cut through Garrus' soul if he wanted it to. He felt his biotics activating inside of him, but he contained it. He didn't want to come across as a threat to a Turian who was living in the bunk next to his.

"The tiniest mistakes are what kills some of the best soldiers out there," Garrus took a step forward, and leaned in extremely close to Kaidan. Their eyes locked on each others'.

"We need Shepard to find Saren, and finish this once and for all. I will not allow some human that wants to jump her bones keep this from happening. Do you understand?"

There was an intense showdown. Kaidan's gaze locked onto Garrus' and held its ground. Neither budged for at least ten seconds, until Kaidan broke the silence.

"Understood."

"Good," he uttered as he retracted himself and began to walk away.

Kaidan simply turned, and continued to his room. He shut his door, locked it, and then proceeded to the dresser next to his bed. It was small, and almost all of the drawers were empty, except the top one. It had an old-fashioned lock in front of it that required a simple key to open.

Kaidan reached into the neck of his shirt and pulled out his dog tags. Behind the tags was a small, silver key.

He held the key with his index finger and thumb, and started rubbing it. He stared at the drawer for a few minutes, just rubbing the tiny key.

Finally, he dropped the tags and key back into his shirt and left his bunk.

He boarded the elevator once more and went back up to the chambers. He didn't see Garrus on his way, and was relieved.

Kaidan raised his right hand, and placed it over his chest where the tags and key were dangling. He rubbed them through his shirt, thinking about what Garrus had said earlier.

"As much as I don't want to believe it, he's right. I don't know what I would do if I lost her... _especially_ if it was my fault."

The elevator reopened its doors. Suddenly, Kaidan found himself right in front of Shepard's sleeping chamber. He didn't even remember the walk there.

He stood there, and watched her for a few minutes. He couldn't help but notice how cute she looks when she's sleeping. He never realized that she slept curled up in the fetal position.

She seemed so beautiful, peaceful... and yet fragile.

He found himself whispering to her, "Why am I so stupid? Why do I keep fooling myself into thinking that you would ever want to be with me?" He let out a deep sigh, filled with angst and frustration.

"Maybe when this is all over, and things settle down... Maybe..."

Another sigh, this time filled with disappointment, escaped his lips. He took a mental picture of her, and laid in the sleeping chamber right next to hers. He turned his body so he was facing her, and made sure her face was the last one he saw before he was sedated.


End file.
